nuggetemily:

narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

introduced my mom to pirating websites now she’s watched “so many movies I haven’t seen in years! for free!” and she wants me to “tell your internet followers about this!”

she does want me to warn you “don’t click on those ads with the very pretty ladies!” and that “please tell those lesbians on the internet not to fall for it!”

#as a lesbian on the internet tell your mom thank you i will be very careful

(via idabackwardsintherain)

elucubrare:

tinybed:

me: a scared kitten

God: grabbing me by my nape, rendering my body immovable

me: surrendering to God and letting him wash me in a sink

#which john donne poem is this

(via deathdropdistance)

brendajenn:

borg-apologist:

xizor14:

I have ventured far into the Star Trek fandom and have returned with some truly cursed objects. Handle them with extreme care.

Put them back.

Welp. That’s it for me. Fandom is cancelled

I was thinking about that there must be cartoons about sentient spaceships. I am so glad someone made these images. 

(via brendajenn)

crabbitscarrots asked: What is your all-time favorite chart?

ilovecharts:

This one still gets me.

Other Things To Do To A Drunken Sailor

rainbowbarnacle:

brighteyedjill:

voidbat:

alexmuninn:

• Draw a dick on his face in Sharpie
  
• Add his boss as a friend on Facebook
  
• Eat the last of his Nutella
• Text his ex with a “U up?” message
• Tell the IRS he owes back taxes
• Log in to gmail and change his password

every single one of these fits the rhythm of the song. i sang each one of them. :D

my mom’s addition was always “hit him in the face with a vick’s inhaler”

I don’t know why this is so funny, but it is. Sing it. Go on. I’ll wait. 

EAR-LAY IN THA MOOORNIN’!

(via mumblingsage)

noyaboya:

scottish twitter strikes again

(via castellan-garak-deactivated2020)

i-jab:

flaming-fruitcake:

theocseason4:

I am LOSING my mind this is so funny

I want to watch the whole thing.

Ok but women are so strong like she is in so much fucking pain and is like fuck that im going to straighten my hair

(via castellan-garak-deactivated2020)

windynebula:

12-amu:

piefanart:

One time i bought some pokemon cards at goodwill and this was mixed in with them and it made me laugh so hard when i saw it, so i tucked it into my wallet. Whenever I’m sad i pull out the muscle medic card and immediately start laughing.

I just cant. The giant anime syringe and scalpel. The “love” sticker on the syringe. The completely anatomically incorrect muscles that look like he has three biceps. The boob window. The ocean wave behind him for no apparent reason.

But best of all

The expression

@gatomaracuja come get your mans

@yoshi12370

(via rainbowjoe)

dominickcarisi:

axlaru:

indianajulia:

betterwiththree:

spearfeld:

akiwitch:

yodas-yo-yo:

9timesoutoften:

gardenofroseandthorn:

thatpunkmaximoff:

korrynn-nadine:

idontgiveaflyinggrayson69:

nobledoritoman:

rogerss:

midtown-parker:

notimetoblog:

Avengers: Oh no:( hope you feel better

Avengers: Absolutely Brutal

Avengers: It Was Fun

Avengers: nASTY

Avengers: Bucky Will You Stop

Avengers: I Want To Play

Avengers: It’s quiet now, but fuckkkk it’s gonna be a long day

Avengers: This time we’re dealing with it, I think

Avengers: That’s just insane

Avengers: Sound like it might be best to rearrange this? Maybe we can meet in the new year? What do you think?

Avengers: SO SILLY

Avengers: I go through phases like that sometimes. Typically when I’m writing a lot. Like I didn’t pick up a video game for all of March this year cuz I was writing that Love Simon fanfic

Avengers: Yo is work canceled or something? Nobody’s here

Avengers: I have a chiropractor appointment at 4:15 so I’ll be home late 

Avengers: yay

Avengers: Will I, a bitter bjtxh, ever be over the Russos undermining Thor’s arc from Ragnarok?

After careful consideration (eg, 5 seconds), the answer is FUCK NO BITE MY ASS FUCK YOU

(via addidesu-deactivated20210311)