I’ve heard the theory that Kirk’s logs just get circulated round headquarters for lulz before being dumped in the circular file as obvious fabrications by someone bored with a frontier posting.
“Hey, have you seen this one? He says he fought Apollo.”
“What, the old earth probe?”
“Try the old earth GOD!”
“Hilarious! Classic Kirk! That’s better than the time when he was transported to an evil dimenison.”
The reason why in The Naked Now it was Riker who remembered that the previous polywater infection had happened is that he’s the sort of person who would read The Hilarious Adventures of Captain Kirk for fun.
I especially like this idea because of the implication that all the other captains in Starfleet are reporting perfectly ordinary experiences like visiting a space station, dropping off supplies at a colony, bit of a stand-off with some Klingons in disputed space but got out of it unscathed - and then there’s Kirk all, “sorry guys we’ve been off course this week because my first officer seriously needed to get laid (LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA MY NECK STILL HURTS)” and “let me tell you about the Chicago Gangster planet” and “WHIPPED AND THROWN IN JAIL BY SPACE NAZIS.”
I actually really like the above explanation
“So wait, they stole his first officer’s brain?”
I always preferred the idea that every single Constitution-class starship of the Kirk era was running into all kinds of insane shit and so the Enterprise’s adventures mostly just got lost in the shuffle.
“Sir, Starbase 12 reports a flock of space sharks cruising through the system. They’re worried about them chewing on the antennae.”
“Can we get the Hood over there to monitor their path and shoo them off if need be?”
“No can do sir, Hood called in two days ago, says the Captain took his security detail down to the local surface to fight an army of evil komodo dragons.”
“Damn. What about the Valiant?”
“Captain says she’s currently engaged in a duel of wits with a clone of Bismarck.”
“Like the battleship?”
“No sir, a clone of Otto von Bismarck, the German chancellor from the 1900s.”
“I’m scared to ask, but where’s the Potemkin?”
“Last reported in pursuit of a super-intelligent shade of blue.”
“God’s sake. What about the Enterprise, are they available?”
I dreamed that The Rock came and took me in and took me to his magical billionaire skyscraper and gave me my own room and told me “Everything is gonna be just fine.”
It was incredibly reassuring.
He was taking care of me until my superpowers came in.
Then he threw me a birthday party and I realized I could levitate things.
I alternated viewpoints with some other kids.
One of them could create … just … a sphere of absolute void. He had severe depression and desperately wanted to be able to do something cool, thought his power was creepy and depressing, and The Rock was just like “You. Math lessons. Starship drive. Future of humanity. You’re gonna have planets named after you.”
And one of the others was … full of teeth. Just … she had so many monstrous teeth inside her. And he was just like “Wear all the goth clothes you want, and if you get too freaked out by your own creepiness and feel like nobody will ever love or accept you, come up to my room and we will sit platonically on my giant bed that is shaped like a seashell and we will watch old Warner Brothers cartoons until you feel cool again.”
Cecil. She/her. During the day I sit in libraries staring at books. During the night I write queer fanfiction with a historical slant.
Some not-so-random facts: Gay space lizards are the best lizards. Star Trek is my life. I have too many DS9 ships. Classic Who and the Eighth Doctor Adventures make me grin stupidly. Kelas Parmak is the best. I will defend historically accurate portrayals of Alan Turing to the last drop of blood. Likes and asks end up in the name of @apolesens-otheraccount, because Tumblr doesn't have a way of changing which blog is your primary one. Nothing happens over there - this is the one to follow.
