a while back, ghostbong bought a very cheap, very used Roomba from craigslist. "so, you’re going to ‘hack’ this, right?“ said the man at the parking lot rendezvous. but we just wanted a vacuum. since then, the addition of the word “robot” to our casual, every-day lexicon is continually jarring, as if even living in the future will give you future-shock.
doing maintenance on the robot. the robot is stuck on a cord. the robot ate a sock. the robot ran out of power before it got back to its charging station. the robot knocked something over. it doesn’t help that the Roomba programmers saw fit to outfit the little thing with a series of Artoo-like MIDI scales and honks, to convey the mood of its message: docking successfully produces a tiny fanfare, and getting its brushes jammed on a foreign object makes it cry out in sad distress. do i verbally reassure the robot when i pull a wad of cat hair and bread bag tabs out of its works and set it back down on the floor? you bet i do.
but the larger point is that it is now possible for me to say (or type) out loud and without irony, sarcasm, or any kind of fictitiousness: “the robot knocked over the kitten’s water dish >:I ”
the future is here, and it is me on my knees on the floor yanking hairballs out of a domestic droid while it softly boops at me
Still one of my favorite posts of all time.
Our Roomba is named Reggie (after Jeeves). He is our favourite son. It is a delight to see him on his daily patrols around the living room, masterfully navigating the sofa and then cheerfully and confidently running straight into the door.
Reg likes to eat USB cables. Unfortunately they don’t agree with him and jam up his intake. When this happens does, he sings a sad song and I get a notification on my phone: “Reggie is stuck!”. Soon after, I see that he has completed his job. I text my girlfriend. “Thanks for rescuing Reg!” Again.
Sometimes he can’t find his way back to his house under the TV stand and we have to pick him up and put him on his charger.
I find myself congratulating him for going a good job while doing his monthly maintenance and apologising when he is trying to do the kitchen and my feet keep getting in the way.
Reg is easily the best £500 I’ve ever spent. Also our floor is really, really clean.
Cecil. She/her. During the day I sit in libraries staring at books. During the night I write queer fanfiction with a historical slant.
Some not-so-random facts: Gay space lizards are the best lizards. Star Trek is my life. I have too many DS9 ships. Classic Who and the Eighth Doctor Adventures make me grin stupidly. Kelas Parmak is the best. I will defend historically accurate portrayals of Alan Turing to the last drop of blood. Likes and asks end up in the name of @apolesens-otheraccount, because Tumblr doesn't have a way of changing which blog is your primary one. Nothing happens over there - this is the one to follow.
